Today I decided to read the talk by Elder Oaks again today.
I started though by listening to a podcast interview with Tom Christofferson about his new book. (Side note: my mom is super cool and she went to a discussion with him at the U this week and then ordered his book and another book about LGBT Mormons.)
Here are my new thoughts.
I feel like it should be stated first and foremost that I really do sustain the prophets and apostles of our church. I believe Elder Oaks was called of God and acts under authority.
I do think that it is possible for a good man, and even a man called of God to also sometimes speak with his own ideas. I think this talk might exemplify some of those ideas.
Here is a line that I really liked:
"We must try to balance the competing demands of following the gospel law in our personal lives and teachings, even as we seek to show love for all."
I wish we would have been given more specific instructions for how to do that. Of course, that is a dangerous wish on my part. Prophets and apostles teach correct doctrines and principles - it is up to us to be led by the spirit to determine the correspondingly correct applications.
I did like from Tom Christofferson's story of the example of his parents and family. When he came out at first they didn't accept him with his partner. They had a family reunion and his partner was specifically not invited because his siblings didn't want him around their children. The parents gathered all their children on night after the grandchildren were asleep and his mom said (essentially) "I'm embarrassed to say I thought we had the perfect Mormon family... but we can still be perfect in our love towards one another... (to siblings) the way you treat your brother now will show your kids that nothing they can do can take them outside the family circle." The family then invited the partner to everything. When they stayed they were allowed to sleep in the same bed. When they had family pictures taken, he was invited to be in it and they framed it proudly in their living room.
I like that shout-out to parents and families. If the first and second commandments are to love God and love others then it is paramount that we love our families in the way Christ would. It is not condoning sin to live the commandment of love ourselves. I wish that was stated.
I think Oaks was speaking to a specific ideal (having a family with a mother and father and children all living the gospel is RARE). But I think the ideal of having a family centered on Christ is something we can all strive for. I think Mormons are idyllic people and we speak to the ideal (see also: Mother's day) at the danger of excluding those who do not fit this ideal. We can do better about that.
I don't know what the answer for the church is regarding gays, and I can't pretend like that decision would be mine to make if I did.
With that said, I wish:
- There was more revelation. Specifically, on how local leadership should handle this issue. I think consistency is important.
- We were told more specifically how to love. I think that some guidance would be helpful. It is hard for some to feel like they are condoning sin by welcoming a gay into their ward. It is hard for others to be able to draw some lines on when they are promoting actions that aren't in line with God's will.
- Members of the Mormon LGBT community had a place and could feel invited into that place within our church.
- Members of the Mormon LGBT community were given guidance as to how to approach what feels like contradictory truths of their identities.
If it was coming from me it would be to remember that we are all first and foremost children of Heavenly Parents who love us. That is our identity first. And I would ask gays to do the best they can to live close to the spirit. God will help. I would tell them to make the best decision in regards to their physical and emotional health as well. A decision can be made for now and a different decision can be made later. This decision may be to marry someone of the opposite sex, someone of the same sex, to never marry, to stay in the church, to leave, or any variation of these options. But above all, I think to have the spirit and God as their guide is key. I believe in a merciful judge with perfect perspective and understanding. Thank goodness. I don't think relying on heaven to make things right is okay, I think it's a way of silencing problems. But I think focusing on heaven as a way to make God-oriented decisions is the best advice anyone can take. I would hope that for our gay brothers and sisters. I think there is a place for them in heaven and there can be a place for them in this church.
Again, I believe in prophets and apostles and I'm grateful for the guidance I have received from them all my life. I believe that they are seers and though sometimes we think they are out of touch, they, in fact, see much more than we do. I think oversights are made sometimes as a result of being fallen humans. But there is godliness in this church that is led by revelation.
